Building a Relationship with Yourself

Dear Librans,

When you think about how you feel about yourself, and how well you know yourself, how do you score on a scale of 1 – 10? If you feel that you know yourself very well, but you are on the lower side of how much you like yourself, then it might be time to start thinking about how you can build a better relationship with YOU, and the next paragraphs will be exploring how to accomplish this.

Stop Focusing on the Dealings of Others

There are tons of distractions that can be found out in the world, but some of the worst distractions to get involved with are those that come from spending too much time focusing on and critiquing the lives of others. It can be extremely easy to fall into the habit of spending your time concerning yourself with the movements of others, and you may even spend time discussing these things with others, but it’s important to note that while you’re focusing on others, you’re avoiding work that you can be doing on yourself.

Another side of this, is that it might be a manifestation of insecurities that you feel towards yourself due to constant comparing. The person who is aware of the nuances of how you feel would be you because people can’t read the minds of others. If you feel as though you are constantly scrutinized by others, it’s important to remember that they might not even be aware that you feel any discomfort at all. Most of the time, people are primarily focused on how they are seen by others.

Learn to Forgive People

It’s hard to make a better relationship with yourself when you carry a lot of baggage from past dealings with people. Things sometimes happen that can make you feel a little bit sour about having relationships with others but it’s important to remember that you don’t need to hold onto these things. Let them just be things that happened and move on. It’s been said that forgiving people is more about being healthier for yourself than the person you’re forgiving. This is because holding onto anger and pain will only cause you to feel negatively about a lot of other things in your life.

Once you have forgiven someone completely, the part of your mind that has been holding onto those toxic thoughts and feeling will be free to focus on better things. You can use that brain power to think of ways to put good things into the world around you. There are a lot of ways to spread positivity, and the best ways involve doing something for others.

Take Time to Help Someone in Need

There are few joys that can compare to the feeling you get when you help someone who really needs help. When you’ve been spending a lot of time focusing on yourself in unhealthy ways, a really good way to break out of that is also to help someone else. This puts them in the forefront of your mind for a time, and this can help you to appreciate the situation that you have as well.

There are a lot of programs that involve helping the homeless and elderly, and both are in constant need of volunteers that can help dilute the strain placed on other people who are already busy in the community. You might be surprised by the outpouring of gratitude that comes from people who haven’t been used to getting the help that you’re helping to provide. This can create connections and inspire the future success of people who might not have had the opportunity otherwise.

Write a Journal or a Letter to Yourself

Part of getting to the deeper parts of yourself is taking time out of your day to put your thoughts on paper so that you can read them back to yourself. Sometimes it takes this kind of exercise to be able to get a sense of what is truly on your mind. You might have doubts about recent decisions, or you might need to see your thoughts out in front of you to make those final choices. Whatever the case may be, this will help you to begin to prioritize your feelings and thoughts about things. Once you’ve drawn some conclusions it’ll be easier to make real changes based on the information you have about yourself.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

After you’ve taken some time to think about the things you wrote down to yourself, make some effort to replace anything negative that you said to yourself with something that is positive. Talk about your abilities. Tell yourself that you can accomplish your goals. The more that you repeat these things to yourself, the more possible they will become.

Look, I realize that all of what I wrote above is easier said than done. Trust me, I know that for sure. It takes practice and sometimes “falling on your face,” but if you keep trying and taking those baby steps, you will eventually get to where you want to go.

What do you think about my list? I would love for you to join in the conversation in the comments below.

As always, “Love and Light!”

Forgiving Me

Dear Librans,

I’m starting to journal/blog more as part of my self-care practice. Last year, for many of us, was very difficult to say the least. Between the general election, COVID, self-quarantine, social justice and so much more, the shit hit the fan – multiple times.

A good thing that came from 2020 for me was the fact that I couldn’t distract myself from my healing journey. I needed to think of different ways to continue on my path. Part of that is journaling.

My Prompt is, “What do you forgive yourself for?”

Just typing those words make me tear up – not because I’m sad but because I realize how much work I’ve put into myself over the past few years.

In a nutshell, I’ve forgiven myself for just being able to survive without having the tools to enjoy life.

I was stuck in a pattern of limiting beliefs – even though I didn’t know what that was at the time – and living in a Ground Hog Day pattern. Things just kept happening over and over and over again and I didn’t have confidence. On the outside, the world thought I was fine but inside I was a hurt and unfulfilled mess.

Once I began taking part in counseling and working through my emotional turmoil, I felt as though weights were being lifted from my shoulders. This is still a process I’m working through but I’m so much further down my road of healing now!

Yes, I get sad and disappointed – I’m human – but now I’m able to share with trusted folks that I need help or comfort. I try really hard not to play into the old gender role of, “Me man, me strong,” and grunting like Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor from Home Improvement.

The world seems like a brand new place because I chose to invest in myself and forgive me. Now I celebrate me as much as possible – because I’m worth it!!

Love and Light!

P.S. Have you ever needed to forgive yourself before? What was that process like for you? I hope you join me in the comments in “celebrating self!”

The Nicest Compliment

Dear Librans,

I can’t Believe it’s already Wednesday!! Where did the week go? 😕

I just got off of work and I’ve been thinking about one of the nicest complements I’ve ever received. The one that has come up mini times and again only a few days ago was — kind. The more I think about it, the more I like it.

Now of course, I’m not kind 24/7 — I would be boring then — but I do try to treat people with understanding, empathy and love. I guess it goes back to my belief that none of us simply do things to just do them… There’s always an underlying reason behind every action or thought we have. I’m genuinely curious about those reasons.

Over the past almost year, I’ve been doing lots of social justice talks and having difficult conversations based on what’s been going on in the world around us. many times, I don’t agree with the person/people I’m having difficult talks with but I try really hard to see where they’re coming from. at the end of most of those conversations, we’ve been able to, “Agree to disagree” or come to some type of understanding.

As I sit here on my iPhone writing this short entry, I realize that I’m grateful. grateful for the fact that among all of the wonderful things and accomplishments over the years, I’m most proud of the simple, yet profound, complement of “kind.” 😇

Is there a complement that you’ve received that on the surface was so simple yet it meant the world to you? Would you mind sharing it in the comments?

Love and Light!

The Importance of Positive Self Talk

The way that you treat yourself in your own mind has a lot more significance than most people give it credit for. There are times when people might self-abuse or say nasty mean things to themselves out of habit, but the consequences of this are much farther reaching than they believe. In the next few paragraphs, you’ll be reading about the importance of positive self-talk.

It Can Help You to See Yourself

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you tell yourself? This might be the first time you’ve really ever had to think about that question, but it’s one that you should be aware of, and how you answer will make a difference to yourself on a daily basis. Whenever you tell yourself something really negative, you’re repeating powerful mantras that can influence everything about your self-esteem and how you see yourself in the world.

Unfortunately, it’s generally going to be a skewed view if it’s always bathed in negativity. This makes it impossible for you to be able to be aware of yourself completely and it blocks you from being open to others.

When you spend your time saying uplifting things about yourself, you’re going to get a more complete picture of who you are. This isn’t saying that’s should avoid dealing with things you consider to be faults. It just means you see a lot more than those things alone.

It Gives You More Confidence

Allowing yourself to see yourself completely helps to boost your confidence. That’s because you are directly acknowledging the things that are good about you instead of focusing on the areas where you feel that you fall short. If you like, you can actually write them into a physical list. Reflect on each aspect, and think about the times in your life where those attributes have helped you to overcome something or solve a problem.

You’ll probably be amazed how many ways you’ve been able to get past things using your own natural talents. If you’ve come this far on what you know now, then imagine how well things can go when you’ve continued to learn and improve yourself. Try to see where you will be in the future based on these positive things you’ve discovered.

It Helps You See a Positive Future

Now that you know that you have some great qualities, you can see how they might be able to help you in the future. Are you a fast learner? Do you solve problems quickly? Having a better outlook will always make it easier for you to see yourself making accomplishments in the future. As you go through life, meet the objection of your inner critic with confident self-talk. Tell that part of your mind to be quiet. Do whatever you need to do to move past monetary doubts.
Another great exercise you can do is to make a vision board. It helps to have visual representations of the things that you want to attain at some point. A new career, home, or vacation can be a long-term goal that you work towards. Just be sure to write down that you know you can get to those things somewhere along the way.

It Helps Reduce Stress

Positive self-talk is also really important because it helps you to keep your stress under control. Stress can be paralyzing, but it doesn’t have to be. When you start to feel overwhelmed, pull out a sheet of paper and write down the things you want. Put in a few easier goals that you know you can achieve in the short term, and put all of your energy into crushing those goals. Make sure that you are realistic in the ones that you select.

Getting a few little things done and crossed off of your list can do wonders for how you feel about attainability of your goals. Just know that you have to take it all one day at a time. Cross 2 – 3 things of your list, and return to some of your bigger goals. You’ll find yourself to be more relaxed, and feeling ready to tackle bigger goals.

It Helps You Maintain Control Over Emotions

It’s also important to remember that things won’t always be perfect. There can be all kinds of little snags that can push back your timeline for completing things. It’s important to stay level headed though, because when you spin out of control emotionally, things will begin to suffer. Use positive self-talk to remind yourself of how resilient you truly are. Find inspiration in the progress that you’ve made to date. The more practice you have learning to control your emotions, the more success you will have. Just be sure to remain patient and kind to yourself, and you will get there.

How has positive self talk helped you? I would love to read your thoughts.

Love and Light!

Signs You Need More Self Love

Relationships with others can be highly complex and confusing, but the strangest part is that you don’t even need another person to have a difficult experience in a relationship. With the numerous pressures from the modern world crashing down onto people, it’s no surprise that a lot of people are finding that they need more self-love. If this isn’t something you’ve really thought about, you might wonder about what might be signs that you need more self-love.

You Don’t Have as Much Interest

Do you have hobbies and interests that just don’t seem to really excite you or make you feel good anymore? If you’ve recently experienced a major change in attitude towards the things that used to get you out of bed in a day, then it’s pretty possible that you need more self-love. When you don’t take care of your emotional needs and allow stress to rule multiple aspects of your life, the things that you once loved won’t feel the same.

Symptoms like those are found in depression as well. Depression can be a natural effect caused by unfulfillment in life. Possibly a job that grates on you, or an environment that you used to enjoy has become oppressive. These things can also be signs of a type of burnout. The responsible, self-loving thing to do would be to allow yourself to have more time to relax. It’s important to work, but it’s also important to be balanced.

When that balance gets murky, you can and most likely will get tired of the constant pressure. It might not be a threat at the moment, but things can change quickly, and suddenly you become overwhelmed. Stay balanced, and you’ll be less likely to fry yourself.

You Don’t Forgive Minor Trespasses

Have you caught yourself observing people and muttering unpleasant things under your breath? Misunderstandings happen, and sometimes those things can seem like much bigger issues than they really are in the grand scheme. When you aren’t feeling love for yourself, it’s a lot easier to get caught in a pattern of criticizing others. This habit of fault finding is different than talking to a friend in a calm way about a troublesome path they’ve chosen.

That kind of talk comes out of concern, where fault finding is more rooted in a person’s need to put down others so they can avoid looking at their own faults. When people make mistakes, it’s important to remember that people are incapable of being perfect, so it’s healthier to extend the same kind of forgiveness that you would want to have. It does nothing to hold onto grudges other than load your body down with stress as well.

Spend some time thinking about how little many of these minor issues will affect your life. If you know that they won’t do any lasting damage, then it’s probably sufficient to say what you need to say to the person involved and move on. If not for them, it should be for your mental health.

You Feel You Are an Impostor

One thing that hasn’t been touched on so far in this entry, is the internal voice that each and every person has inside of themselves. Sometimes your inner voice can play tricks on you and make you doubt yourself. The voice in your head might even attack and ridicule you randomly through the day. If this is the case, it would be a good idea to concentrate on positive things about yourself more often.

If you don’t love yourself enough, it can lead to cyclical bad behavior. Telling yourself that you might be fooling everyone around you and actually living in fear of that discovery is probably a lot less reasonable to accept when you look at the breadth of your actual achievements. Practice positive self-talk for a period of time, and it could help you to gain a more realistic view of yourself.

Less Assertiveness

If you find yourself taking a back seat to things in life more often, in that you don’t stand up for yourself or make your thoughts heard, that can be a massive sign that you need more self-love. Doing more healthy things for yourself will help you to feel better and be more in touch with your body. When you’re comfortable in life, you’ll be naturally more confident.

You Haven’t Been Bathing as Often

One of the biggest signs that you need to care for yourself more is that you haven’t been bathing enough. Lack of hygiene is a strong sign of depression and other related emotional disturbances. Make sure that you create a routine to keep yourself bathed. If you go without basic cleanliness, it can be easy to feel like nothing matters as much. Go out of your way to make yourself feel better and healthy. That along could be a massive boost to your attitude.

Did I overlook any signs that you would like to share? If so, be sure to place them in the comments.

P.S. The world seems like a scary place right now but I want to help. Be sure to subscribe as I’ll be posting more entries about “self-love” this week. It’s perfectly normal to feel ill-at-ease but try not to stay in that space. If you’re needing help, and you can get it, please talk to a professional. You matter…

Love and Light!

Loving My Personality

Dear Libra’s Balance Readers,

As I head into 2021, I want to use this blog, among other things, to serve as a personal growth space for me. I simply want to be able to look back and physically read about not only my challenges but also the work I’ve put in to move forward.

This means I will work to answer some basic questions about myself. If you feel so inclined, I invite you to do the same and you can feel free to comment below as well – if your kind – even if you disagree with something I’ve written.

What are some things you love about your personality?

I must admit, this prompt is a little difficult for me because I don’t like to talk about myself all that much. Since I’m working on improvement, I guess I need to answer, right?!

I’m able to look at different sides of an issue.

I believe that no one does something just to be doing it. There is an underlying reason, good or bad, that we do the things we do. I want to dig into those reasons with people to learn how to interact with them.

I love to laugh.

I’ve been told that I’ve got a boisterous giggle, (yeah, make those two words fit together), that makes other people feel good and want to join in the fun! Often in my pictures, the first things people comment on are my smile and the fact that I’m looking extremely happy. As a matter of fact, most people say something along the lines of, “Damn, what had you so happy,” or “Damn, happy much?”

I’m trustworthy.

When people come to me in confidence, I don’t go sharing it to the whole world. Even if I believe someone has wronged me, I don’t think the confidence they placed in me goes out the window.

I remember.

Okay, I don’t always remember birthdates and anniversaries and things like that. What I do learn about people is their essence – that inner-most part of them. The energy or spirit. I usually can connect with that part of a person and develop a spirit connection.

Hey, I guess there are some areas about myself that I’m profoundly grateful for! This was a great start to my day.

What are some things about your personality that you like? I would love to hear some good positive self-talk from you!

Love and Light!