Tag: counseling

Regret

Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t regret anything that’s ever happened to me because it made me who I am today…”?

 

Well, between you and me and the four corners of this blog – I think that’s a load of crap.  Who can honestly travel life’s journey and not feel regret about anything whatsoever?  Maybe someone who doesn’t understand what the definition of regret is?

 

Regret (Noun) – feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened

 

I don’t know about you but there’s plenty of “stuff” that I have some form of regret for over the span of my lifetime.

 

I think the single major thing I have regret for is not working on forgiveness towards my father.  I won’t delve into why there would need to be reconciliation, but I can certainly share that my not working on it has caused tremendous pain for me over time.

 

While I believe that I’ve turned out to be a pretty decent guy, I couldn’t work on my feelings of abandonment and depression until recent history through therapy/counseling.  That wasn’t fair to me, first, and it wasn’t fair to the people I was in relationship with over the years – whether family, friend or significant other.  I would either be all in or placing that wide-open space because I just knew that if someone that helped in my creation could make me feel that way, why wouldn’t someone else do the same?

 

I truly have remorse for this.

 

Has it stopped me from growing?  Absolutely not but I can recognize my own failings and continue to learn and grow with each passing day.

 

I guess you can say, “I’m a work in progress…”

 

Is there something you have regret for in your life?  Have any thoughts for me that you can share?  Give your advice or what worked for you in the comments.

 

Thanks for reading this rambling entry!

You Got Too Much Stuff

Erykah Badu said it best,

 

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold onto, is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gon’ get in your way
One day all them bags gon’ get in your way
I said one day all them bags gon’ get in your way
One day all them bags gon’ get in your way, so pack light,
Pack light, mm, pack light, pack light, oh ooh

Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus
You can’t hurry up, ’cause you got too much stuff
When they see you coming, niggas take off running
From you it’s true, oh yes they do

One day he gon’ say you crowding my space
One day he gon’ say you crowding my space
I said one day he gon’ say you crowding my space
One day he gon’ say you crowding my space so, pack light
Pack light

 

Do you have that one piece of old baggage or energy drain that you’ve been carrying around for what seems like forever?

 

It reminds me when I pack too heavily for a trip where I need to take a flight. I have all these suitcases and I forget that I need to get them in the airport.

 

I’ve got one bag over my shoulder…

 

One duffle is under my armpit…

 

I’m holding one in my hand…

 

…and I’m running late to get to the gate!! YIKES!!!!

 

There are a lot of us that are trying to carry our figurative bags all day, every day and we wonder why we’re not seeming to get anywhere as fast as we want.

 

I’m not immune to this myself. I have some emotional “stuff” that I think I’ve been holding on to for way too long … and my damn shoulders are hurting and slouched…

 

The good thing though is that we don’t have to keep dragging our bags! That’s great, right?

 

Most of us don’t want to carry all the “stuff” around with us but just like the luggage, after holding on to it for so long our hands and shoulders and back become cramped and strained … all because we wouldn’t let go! Guess what? That first instant where we decide to let go, it hurts like hell!! We’ve trained our extremities to become warped and uncomfortable and it takes time to get the blood flowing and for the tingling to stop.

 

Well, it’s the same concept with our emotional baggage… Because we’ve trained our minds to be uncomfortable, the first sign of relief is almost unbearable. We have to think past that initial struggle and think about that moment after, and the next moment, and the next moment and so on and understand that true relief is right around the corner!

 

The very first thing we have to do is decide, “Hey, I wanna put these damn bags down…” Then we take a deep breath and let go…Then we need to work the kinks from our emotional mindset – just as we do physically – with proper movement, training and simply learning to not do the things that got us to that feeling of discomfort.

 

Here are some things that I’ve done when letting go of baggage:

 

  • Take part in counseling or therapy
  • Listen to relaxing, meditative music
  • Stay a bit busier than normal so I won’t “fall into old patterns
  • Reach out to friends to catch up

 

We have the tools within us to begin the healing process for ourselves. If we can decide, “I want a change in my circumstance,” the following steps we need get a bit easier if we stick to our goal…whatever that may be.

 

What do you think? Do my thoughts make sense? What are some things you do to “release your bags?” I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s chat!