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Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

Dear Libra’s Balance Readers,

Do you know what your limiting beliefs are?

I was forced to think about this through my life coaching courses. Most times, for many of us, we don’t even realize that we’re experiencing these types of thoughts. A limiting belief is a type of thought you have that provides some type of constraint and keeps you from even trying. It can be about you, other people, society, or anything else.

This might be a limiting belief that you can never be wealthy, won’t achieve the level of success you dream of, or that you can’t wear that swimsuit with the body you have now. Limiting beliefs can be big or small, and all impact you deeply.

Why Are Limiting Beliefs a Bad Thing?

The reason you don’t want to have too many limiting beliefs is because they can keep you from putting effort in trying something. Limited beliefs are typically beliefs that aren’t even true. They are based around fear, anxiety, or experiences you have had in the past.

Some of the limiting beliefs that I constantly must guard against are not feeling as though I’m good enough or not feeling worthy of love due to past experiences with family and romantic partners.

Try not to let your fears dictate your life. Limiting beliefs can keep you from completing your goals, because you have this idea that you will never be able to reach that area of success in the first place. Which is false – you can do anything you put your mind to – unless of course you want to sprout some wings and fly.

What Are Your Limiting Beliefs?

Make a list of any limiting beliefs you might have. Here are some to help get you started:

I’m not good enough.
I’m not smart enough.
I don’t deserve it.
It didn’t work out in the past.
I always quit everything I start.

This can be related to anything from romance and relationships, to work, budgeting, becoming healthier, losing weight, really anything you can think of that is a goal of yours.

How to Challenge Them

Once you have your list of limiting beliefs, go through each one and find a way to challenge them or flip them around. Go down the list and one at a time, write down what is causing the limiting belief in the first place, then come up with a way to challenge them.

For example, many people have a limiting belief about losing weight. They assume they can’t lose weight because they tried and failed in the past. How can you challenge this? Maybe you try a different method, you do it with less restrictions, you start slow, or you find motivation from other people who have lost weight successfully.

It doesn’t matter what it is; there is a way to challenge these limiting beliefs.

What is a limiting belief you’ve had and how did you work your way through it? Are you currently overcoming a belief? Tell me more about it in the comments.

Love and Light!

P.S. – Would you like to engage in more in-depth conversations regarding limiting beliefs? Join my Intentional Holistic wellness group to have these conversations with peers who are compassionate and will help give that push you need to do the work you need to do to step forward in your journey!

Who Are You

Hey there Libras Balance Readers,

As I write this, I really hope you are enjoying the holiday season – in spite of everything that 2020 has thrown our way. I just finished reading a blog post that inspired me so I had to come here to put my stank on it and make it mine.

Who Am I?

Seems like a really straightforward question doesn’t it?

Not so. In this world we’ve been taught to answer this in a superficial way. We answer with what job we do; where we live; our hobbies and so forth. None of those answers gets to who we truly are.

Is it a wonder that in this reality that we have so much access to people and many of us feel lonelier than before we started using social media apps like Facebook, Twitter and others?

We began “typing in soundbites rather than talking to communicate our needs, wants and desires with one another.

Even with the COVID-19 pandemic, using these social media tools doesn’t allow us to share, in a meaningful way, how we’re doing. It does allow us to put on a front that helps us go further down the rabbit-hole of despair.

It stops today

I want to get to know you – the real you! I would like to invite you to join my new Facebook group where we will talk about intentional holistic wellness and really get down to the nitty gritty of answering this question, along with others, as we go into the new year with intention.

Do you have an affirmation that works for you? Have you read a book that inspired you to greatness? Has 2020 left you feeling down and you want to interact with affirming folks that want to build up and not tear down? Well, this may be the sacred space for you! Hope to see you on the inside…

Love and Light!

Signs You Need a Life Reset

Maybe you have been reading about resetting your life and making healthy changes, but you still aren’t sure if YOU need to do it. Here are some common signs of needing to take a closer look at your life and make changes that will benefit you in the long run.

You Are Experiencing Burnout

The first sign that you are in need of a reset in your life is when you are experiencing burnout. This often happens when you are either working too much, or focusing so much on one thing, that the rest of your life is being neglected.

It is possible to have burnout even when you don’t feel “busy” constantly. Burnout can happen from focusing too much on one area of your life, which makes it to where you are so exhausted with that certain activity or aspect of your life, the rest of your life is kind of falling behind.

This happened to me not so long ago with my volunteer work. I went from having delighted feelings to those of anger and resentment. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good feeling.

You Keep Trying (and Failing) New Things

Have you noticed that you keep trying new things toward a specific goal, but then you quit pretty soon afterward or lose your steam? This is a really good time to do a reset and try to find where your priorities are.

This isn’t always just a case of having no follow-through. Sometimes, it is because you need to reevaluate things, remind yourself why you set these goals, and figure out what tasks would be better suited for you to complete those goals.

You Haven’t Worked on Your Goals in a While

Maybe you have goals that you thought you really wanted, but you never seem to work on them much. Things happen and lives get busy, but if it has been months or even years, then now is the time to either decide how to reach those goals, or replace them with something else you are more passionate about.

You Feel Stuck, Helpless, or Unmotivated

And lastly, if you have been feeling a little stuck, lost, or just unmotivated, it is time to look at your life and figure out what isn’t quite working for you. These feelings can come from many things, from your mental health to just being overworked.

Start writing in a journal or blog to figure out why you are experiencing these emotions, and work on a life reset so you can get down to what is happening and why you feel this way.

Have you ever needed a life reset? What were some signs that you noticed and what was your first step in changing?

Love and Light!

5 Essential Oil Hacks

The topic of essential oils seems to be everywhere, including this blog, but if you are new to using them, it can be a lot to absorb. The following information is going to give you some awesome tips and hacks that will help you understand some of the more unique uses and benefits of essential oils.

1. Help Relax Your Dogs

If your dogs have anxiety, whether general anxiety or from a specific situation, you can relax and de-stress them with some essential oils. One of the best relaxation oil scents that is safe for dogs is frankincense. This is great to have in a diffuser in a room where your dog will be when they might have heightened anxiety, such as from fireworks or thunder and lightning on a stormy night.

2. Use a Roller Bottle for Topical Applications

You probably know that when you are using essential oils directly on the skin, they first need to be diluted with carrier oils. However, this can be a pain to mix and then add drops to the skin, as well as a little messy. Roller bottles solve a lot of problems for you by providing a simple bottle for mixing and go on much easier. There is not a big mess and it is convenient just having to roll the oils onto your skin.

3. Freshen Up Your Laundry

If you want to have laundry that smells nice not only right when it comes out of the dryer, but throughout the day, essential oils are to the rescue. You can use dryer balls and just add a few drops of your favorite oil to the dryer balls, then put them in the dryer as you normally would. The scent will fill the dryer and get on all your clothes. Try light, refreshing or floral scents like lavender, rose, jasmine, or sweet orange.

4. Add Oils to Lotion or Shampoo

The great thing about essential oils is that they are easy to use, and do not require complicated applications. If you want the oils on your skin or scalp and do not want to worry about diluting them, just add them to a product that will do the diluting for you. While water will not dilute oils, most shampoos and body lotions have enough of the other carrier oils and ingredients to dilute the essential oils. Add a few drops to these products to get both the scent and the added health benefits.

5. Make a DIY Bug Repellent

Tired of having bugs in the house? Essential oils to the rescue! You can deter a lot of different insects from ever coming into your house with peppermint essential oil. Many insects hate this scent, including mice and spiders. Use a spray bottle to add some drops of peppermint and distilled water, then spray it near all the entrances of your home, or anywhere you think insects and rodents have become a problem.

Do you have any more essential oil hacks that you want to share? I would love to read them in the comments below!

P.S. – If you do not already have an independent essential oil distributor, I would welcome the chance to be your go to guy! Visit my Young Living site today to implement the hacks above.

Warped Beginning‘s

I’ve been very intentional as it relates to my journey of healing over the past three years (as of the writing of this post. In my head, it sounds like a constant refrain. I’ve tried to be more open to a broader audience so I could stop living in the fear of not appearing to be the stereotypical view of silent strength that many men of color are taught to prescribe to and I want to let others know that keeping these things bottled up can only hurt us in the long run.

Check out the following short clip from The Fresh Prince and I’ll be sure to continue my thoughts beneath.

I just had to take a moment before finishing this post. It’s still a hard clip for me to look at.

I carried the character’s feelings – abandonment, not feeling as though I’m good enough, anger and a broken spirit – with me for years. To a certain extent, I still do.

When folks hear me talk about my journey of healing, this is where it all starts.

I was soon to be 11 years old when our family dynamics changed irreparably – our unit changed, never to be the same again. I internalized much of that. I won’t go into the gritty details in this post because this is about my journey and no one else’s.

I’m now 41 — between the start of what I view as the beginning of things through the time when I started walking my path, that’s nearly 30 years of my life. I just grew tired of being stuck in a rut; hitting the gas pedal and not being able to move forward. I was tired of relationships (whether romantic or on a friendship level) not being as open as they could be. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know that I was broken emotionally. I held a warped sense of who I was. I became an over-achiever – student government, preaching at a young age, not trying to not cause issues for my mom. I also grew to be distant because that was my way of numbing the pain I felt.

Did I understand what I was doing at the time? Absolutely not.

As the old saying goes, “If only I knew then what I know now…”

People are naturally drawn to me but I would hold relationships at a certain distance. I would build that wall so high, dig a mote around it, place alligators and sharks in the water, put up some barbed wire fencing, and on and on. Then I would stand a few football fields back and smile and wave and I thought I had it all under control.

I thought I was protecting myself. In the end, I wasn’t allowing any of the comfort, companionship, love and sense of belonging I was searching for to enter because I had set up so many booby traps — but I did have a fucking smile on my face – looking crazy as all get out.

A significant relationship ended for me about three years ago – partly due to my issues and in a big part because of the other person’s honesty and loyalty. For whatever reason, the lightbulb turned on and I thought I needed to make a change.

I started participating in counseling and began explaining to folks that my past actions touched what was wrong emotionally on my end. I didn’t always get the results that I wanted but everyone is on their own journey and I have no control over that.

BTW, that’s also an issue I’ve had – I wanted to fix everything for people.

My healing was put to the test recently as it relates to friendship and romantic partner. To make a long story short – I reached out to trusted people, shared my grief, approached counseling and was able to pull myself out from wanting to retreat behind the wall with the mote!

It may not sound like much but I’m so proud of this!! I’m practicing what I preach. Has it been perfect? Hell no! But it’s a hell of a lot better than what I used to do.

I will always look at the world through the eyes of Will Smith’s character above. The difference now is that I have gained tools to handle it in a better way and demand that I be treated in a better way.

Love and light!

A Step by Step Guide to Do-It-Yourself Credit Repair

 

There are many options available if you need to repair your credit. Credit repair companies will help you, but they do charge a fee. Some of these companies really do a good job, but many do not. 

 

Repairing your own credit is entirely possible. If you’re persistent and organized, you can do just as well as any company available for hire. 

 

Follow these steps to successfully repair your own credit:

 

  1. Get copies of all your credit reports.Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion are the big 3 credit reporting firms. You should obtain all three reports. 

 

  • You can obtain a free copy once a year from each of these companies at https://www.annualcreditreport.com/
  • If you’ve recently been denied credit or a job for having poor credit, you can also get a free copy of your reports, even if it has been less than a year since you got a copy. 

 

  • Find out what these companies are saying about your credit worthiness.
  1. Find any errors. Once you obtain your credit reports, look for any negative information, even if it’s true. Nearly everyone has at least one error on his or her credit report. 

 

  • Remember that the credit bureaus just report information. They don’t take the time to verify it. 

 

  • Make a list of everything you want to dispute.
  1. Dispute all the negative items. While it won’t do any good to dispute true items still carrying a balance, everything else is fair game. Items with a balance will just reappear the following month anyway. 

 

  • All disputed items should be documented in writing. Do not use the forms that are available online on the credit bureau’s website. That just makes everything too easy for them.

 

    • There are many form letters online that you can use for your dispute. You basically just want to say that you don’t agree with the items and wish to have them verified.
    • The credit bureau then has 30 days to go back to the creditor and verify the accuracy of the item or else the item must be removed from your credit report. This applies if they fail to accomplish this task in time, for any reason. It’s the law!
    • Be sure to send all of your correspondence by registered mail or some equivalent. You want to be able to prove when the item was received by the credit bureau.
    • If they don’t verify the items in time, remind them of the law and demand that the items in question be expunged from your records.

     

    1. Don’t give up. Persistence and being organized are the keys to success. You must send your letters, follow up, and document everything. Keep copies of your letters and their responses. You just might need all of this information at a later date.
    2. Realize the truth of the situation. Credit bureaus make money by selling credit reports, not by responding to your inquiries. The last thing they want to do is spend time and resources on you. If you’re a pain in the neck, you might eventually get what you want.
    3. Don’t be afraid to use the court system.Taking the credit bureaus to court and suing them can sometimes be the best solution. 

     

    • Anytime you have a mistake on your credit report that the credit bureau refuses to remove, there is a $1,000 fine. The same $1,000 fine applies for any item that they fail to verify and refuse to remove. 

     

    • Credit bureaus have a long history of caving in at the last minute and giving the consumer everything they want.

     

    • Don’t hesitate to file a lawsuit with your local small claims court.

     

      • You might have to actually show up to court before they are willing to deal. But these credit bureaus don’t want to get stuck with thousands of dollars in fines, especially when they have nothing to gain. Give it a try.

       

      Do-it-yourself credit repair is something that anyone can do. It really is very simple and effective. It can take months to see any real improvement, but it’s much faster than just waiting out the many years it takes for the items to fall off the list naturally.

       

      Boost your credit and better your life. You’ll be happy you did!

       

      P.S. – If you’re looking to improve your wealth building potential by taking a wholesale approach to your financial well-being, join my team today!

       

      A Selfish Journey

      Selfish. Over the past two days, In various conversations, I’ve heard that word used as a negative.

      Specifically, those conversations were dealing with people on their personal journeys of emotional, physical and/or spiritual healing. In just about every conversation, people have been told that they were selfish because they were making positive changes for themselves that people surrounding them didn’t like.

      I believe that we, as humans, typically don’t like change. Many of us drive the same route to work, we get up at the same time, we cook the same meals. So when our friends and family see changes happening, even though they are positive, that scares them… At least in my view. That leads me to my conversation piece today:

      What is your definition of selfish? Can a person that is making a positive change for their well-being be considered selfish? Why or why not?

      Let’s have a discussion. Love and light! 😍

      10 unusual Ways to Raise Your Credit Score

      It’s possible to raise your credit score with some simple changes. Credit scores affect insurance rates, loan interest rates, and other important financial products. A higher score can lead to a brighter financial future!

       

      Consider using these ideas to raise your credit score:

       

      1.      Piggyback on good credit histories. You can use a family member’s or friend’s good credit history to help you. 

       

      ·         If you add yourself to an account in good standing, your credit score will go up. 

       

      ·         Most credit cards allow users to add family members and distant relatives to their accounts. 

       

      ·         You’ll be an authorized user on the account and able to make purchases and pay the bills. 

       

      2.      Keep old accounts open. It’s important to keep older accounts like credit cards open because they influence credit scores. Credit scores can decrease if you close accounts.

      ·         Account age also matters. Scores are affected positively by older accounts because they show a history of maintaining credit.

      ·         Plus, these old accounts add to the amount of credit you have access to, thus lowering the percentage of available credit you’re using, which raises your score.

       

      3.      Set up auto-payments. Automatic payments are a convenient way to pay bills every month. They’re also an easy way to avoid a late payment and a fee. Auto-payments can help improve your credit score by preventing these issues. 

       

      4.      Pay credit card bills more than once a month. Credit scores rely on a debt utilization ratio. This ratio compares how much debt you have to the size of your credit limit. 

       

      ·         One way to improve credit scores is to lower the debt utilization ratio. 

       

      ·         Paying your credit card bills more than once a month can help you improve the score by decreasing the ratio. Extra payments lower your debt while increasing how much credit is available during the month.  

       

      5.      Ask for good-will deletions. It’s possible to ask credit reporting agencies and lenders for good-will deletions. 

       

      ·         Late fees, late payments, or unpaid bills can affect credit scores. A good-will deletion is a request to remove these items based on a prior good history. This method works best if you’re a long-term customer with few issues.

       

      6.      Avoid pre-approved offers. The pre-approved offers that come in the mail usually require a credit check, and multiple credit checks affect your credit score by lowering it. 

       

      ·         It’s also beneficial to avoid creating too many accounts. It’s easier to manage a smaller number, so you’re less likely to make mistakes. 

       

      7.      Avoid new utility accounts. Utilities like gas, electricity, and phone services require credit checks that lower scores. It’s better to transfer utilities to a new address instead of opening new ones. 

       

      8.      Remember library fines. Did you return all of your library books? Unpaid fines can decrease your credit score, and libraries can send unpaid bills to collection agencies.

       

      9.      Avoid online quote comparisons. Online quotes for insurance or loans count as inquiries on your credit score. These credit checks affect the score each time you ask for a quote. 

       

      ·         Getting quotes from multiple websites can lead to many credit checks. It’s best to narrow down the options before getting a quote, so your score isn’t affected. 

       

      10.  Establish long-term credit. Instead of switching to a new company that promises lower rates for a few months, consider staying with the previous one. 

       

      ·         Credit scores go up based on positive, long-term relationships with lenders. 

       

      ·         It may be tempting to take the lower credit card offer from another company to move balances, but your score may suffer. 

       

      It’s possible to raise credit scores with several strategies. Careful planning is an important part of getting a higher score.

       

      PS – If you want more tips like these, check out a full credit system that will put you on a brighter financial footing.

       

      Were you surprised at any of these tips?  Did I forget to add any that you think would be simple for folks to follow?  Share your thoughts in the comments.

       

      Love and Light!

      The Evidence of Emotional Healing

      This journey of healing has been fraught with U-turns, left turns and baby steps.  In the end, while I’m still making progress, I believe I’m making forward movement, finally!

       

      Recently, I came across a person that I thought there was an instant energetic connection – our conversations were on point, our thoughts about life were similar and we seemed to want the same thing.  I was joyful at having met someone that was on the equivalent path in life of wanting to find a friend, a partner, a sacred space.  We talked for a few months before actually meeting, in light of this COVID-19 pandemic, but that was okay.  It allowed us more time to get to know one another.

       

      I want to take a quick pause here and point out that I try not to think hostile thoughts about anyone that I open up to.  It’s important to me that I learn something from every connection I have.  I also realize that folks have their own pain that they’re dealing with and I honor that.  In the past, when I’ve been hurt, I’ve buried those emotions deep and ignored them to my own detriment. 

       

      I CANNOT DO THAT ANYMORE!!

       

      While I understand that each one of us is on some type of journey, I have to call bullshit when I see it – especially when someone handles me the wrong way unnecessarily.

       

      Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…

       

      This person visited me for my birthday and I could sense there was something different as soon as they walked through the door.  The “energetic connection” was no longer there.  I brought this up rather quickly in the visit and I began getting the language run-around.  This is when someone tries to talk to you without saying the truth.

       

      I don’t want this post to turn into a rundown of this person so I will say that they were not honest with me and tried to use our shared interest of enlightenment to get around being truthful with me.

       

      I know that I’m leaving out all of the juicy stuff – and trust, there is quite a bit of that – but I’m more interested in sharing something I learned about myself.

       

      What did I learn?

       

      ·         I’ve made it further on the continuing road to healing than I thought I had!!

       

      We can do all the meditation, yoga and Pilates and counseling we want.  Until we get to put everything we’ve learned into practice, we’ve only learned theory.

       

      This situation has forced me to realize that I took in a lot during my knowledge gathering.   I’m truly happy for that!

       

      This didn’t mean that I wasn’t, and continue to be, disappointed or mean I can’t grieve for the loss of what could have been.  It does mean, however that my automatic reaction was not to retreat and put my feelings six feet under and ignore them and pretend that nothing was wrong.  I was able to work through my feelings of anger faster and in a more constructive way – mainly in dealing with how I can improve.  Another important thing is that I didn’t fight to try to fix someone that isn’t fighting to fix themselves.  That is not my responsibility – it is theirs and theirs alone.

       

      One day if this person wants to be a friend, I think I will be able to be open to that.  But if they don’t, I’m finally able to realize that it would be their loss if they don’t – and I’m okay with that!

       

      PS – How have you dealt with disappointment?  I’m still learning and would welcome firsthand, constructive thoughts on this.

       

      Love and Light! 

      Imperfect Perfection

      I’m riding, for the first time, from the WordPress app! 🥳

      Why is this such a big, damn deal? My answer is simple. I’m tired of writing, re-writing and ultimately not making anything public because it’s not perfect. I simply want to give my authentic voice on things that matter to me… On things that I care about. all in All, I want to give you the real me!! Now, sometimes

      I Will still write from the computer on more detailed topics but I think this is going to work for me.

      I’ve been walking on my journey of healing in a very intentional way for the past three years. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit and really settled in, it forced me, like so many others, to sit with myself with no distractions. At times, this became very uncomfortable for me — sitting and working through some of the trauma in life.

      But I’m still fucking standing!!! 🤗

      You’re going to learn a lot about me. Just typing that scares the shit out of me but it’s time that I’ve become a little bit more vulnerable to allow more people of goodwill in. I want to have real discussions, real debates, real conversations about a range of things — anxiety, confidence, feelings of worth, happiness, laughter, struggles, successes, The human existence. The only way that will happen, at least for me, is to open up.

      I hope I can meet new people for friendship, chat buddies and who knows, maybe even that all elusive partner! 🥰

      Here’s to the start of something wonderful!!

      PS — If you wouldn’t mind, tell me a little bit about yourself in the comments below and if you already have some type of relationship with me, feel free to ask something you’ve been wanting to know about me. You could have the next idea for a blog post…

      Love and Light! 😁