This journey of healing has been fraught with U-turns, left turns and baby steps. In the end, while I’m still making progress, I believe I’m making forward movement, finally!
Recently, I came across a person that I thought there was an instant energetic connection – our conversations were on point, our thoughts about life were similar and we seemed to want the same thing. I was joyful at having met someone that was on the equivalent path in life of wanting to find a friend, a partner, a sacred space. We talked for a few months before actually meeting, in light of this COVID-19 pandemic, but that was okay. It allowed us more time to get to know one another.
I want to take a quick pause here and point out that I try not to think hostile thoughts about anyone that I open up to. It’s important to me that I learn something from every connection I have. I also realize that folks have their own pain that they’re dealing with and I honor that. In the past, when I’ve been hurt, I’ve buried those emotions deep and ignored them to my own detriment.
I CANNOT DO THAT ANYMORE!!
While I understand that each one of us is on some type of journey, I have to call bullshit when I see it – especially when someone handles me the wrong way unnecessarily.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…
This person visited me for my birthday and I could sense there was something different as soon as they walked through the door. The “energetic connection” was no longer there. I brought this up rather quickly in the visit and I began getting the language run-around. This is when someone tries to talk to you without saying the truth.
I don’t want this post to turn into a rundown of this person so I will say that they were not honest with me and tried to use our shared interest of enlightenment to get around being truthful with me.
I know that I’m leaving out all of the juicy stuff – and trust, there is quite a bit of that – but I’m more interested in sharing something I learned about myself.
What did I learn?
· I’ve made it further on the continuing road to healing than I thought I had!!
We can do all the meditation, yoga and Pilates and counseling we want. Until we get to put everything we’ve learned into practice, we’ve only learned theory.
This situation has forced me to realize that I took in a lot during my knowledge gathering. I’m truly happy for that!
This didn’t mean that I wasn’t, and continue to be, disappointed or mean I can’t grieve for the loss of what could have been. It does mean, however that my automatic reaction was not to retreat and put my feelings six feet under and ignore them and pretend that nothing was wrong. I was able to work through my feelings of anger faster and in a more constructive way – mainly in dealing with how I can improve. Another important thing is that I didn’t fight to try to fix someone that isn’t fighting to fix themselves. That is not my responsibility – it is theirs and theirs alone.
One day if this person wants to be a friend, I think I will be able to be open to that. But if they don’t, I’m finally able to realize that it would be their loss if they don’t – and I’m okay with that!
PS – How have you dealt with disappointment? I’m still learning and would welcome firsthand, constructive thoughts on this.
Love and Light!